Accept Yourself

Image credit: “safe” – © 2007 Paul Keller – made available under Attribution 2.0 Generic

So what would you say about this safe? I saw it and it got me to thinking…  It reminds me that we have no choice in what is done to us, but we do have a choice in how we choose to respond. It is said that with PTSD you recover a lot quicker if you don’t use avoidance to numb your pain. the avoidance only buries the pain. It doesn’t heal it. Only exposing it and dealing with it, can healing begin. It is like a scraped knee. take it and clean it up right away and it will hurt but it will be fine. If you don’t and it was badly scraped, it will get infected and will need more work and hurt more to clean it up after it started to become infected.

When we accept our pain, it hurts less. Before my brain injury, I was a total extrovert. A social butterfly. I was loud, gaudy, extravagant and extremely social. I loved people and was a real people person. I still love people and care deeply for them but I am an introvert. Where I was once the life of the party and loved to socialize, I now have no use for small talk. I am uncomfortable at parties and I struggle to fit in.

Rather than resisting my pain, and so creating my own suffering, It would behoove me to accept my authentic self—My experience of who I really am and what I am really struggling with. The loss of who I was before the accident. In doing this, I can develop self-acceptance and self-compassion. For instance, when I as an introvert accept my introversion, I can feel good about myself; whether or not I decide to work on developing more social interactions. I can also be compassionate to my own struggles with attending parties. 

I challenge you today to be authentic and accept yourself. Give yourself the gift of compassion.

Advertisements

1 Comment

October 16, 2013 · 12:04 am

Hope.. hopeful or hopeless..

I have been so busy with school and life, that I have left my blog writing for papers and assignments. I have been battling health issues and relationship problems and a myriad of assaults against my life. I have always been resilient but I have always struggled to keep my head just above water. I have always felt like I was the person waving in the midst of the ocean, waving because I was drowning and people always thought I was waving to say, “Hi there, how are you?” When i thought I was about to die. I have gone through life wondering why no one had a clue and why I didn’t belong.  Ever feel like you were all alone? One thing is different than ever before, I have hope.

I recently had the opportunity to do something that I had really wanted to do. I had taken off work for a doctor appt. and then realized that I was not going to be able to keep it. I really wanted to be able to go to support a friend who is adopting a little girl who is HIV positive. She is precious. They both are very precious. i didn’t have the money to go the way I had wanted to go-(by plane and 1st class all the way! 🙂 ) However at the last minute things worked out for me to go. I drove 12 hrs and showed up and they were surprised. It was great fun.

On my way home, I was driving and the weather was bad. I had stopped to get gas and was looking for a place to eat. I remember seeing a distraught lady but I just went on my way.  I was upset myself. I stopped to get something to eat. I had to stop, It was mid-morning and yet it was as dark as night out. It was raining fiercely and it was foggy. I had to stop, so I might as well stop for something to eat.  It was a modest meal. Nothing fancy, eggs and biscuits. I paid my bill and left. As I was leaving the parking lot, I had this lady pull up next to me and honk and ask me to stop. So I pulled over and got out of my car and asked what was wrong? She was distraught, I mean I could see she had been crying and I recognized her as the lady who I had seen before. I saw her sell her GPS for cheap to this man and he brag how he had gotten a deal.

She told me of how her husband had always been the one who took care of everything and he had recently died and she had gone on a trip to visit her daughter and had her purse stolen when she had stopped for gas. She had cancelled her credit cards but had no way of getting gas and had no one to call for help.  She had 400 miles till home and no gas money.  I asked her why are you telling me this? (I’m thinking, I am tired and I have a long drive and what do you want from me?) She took off her diamond earrings and offered them to me for whatever I could give her for them. she must have taken 30 minutes to tell me her whole story. I told her I only had 40 dollars to my name and I had twice as far as she had to go, I couldn’t possibly be of any help to her. Then I saw a all too familiar sight. It was the look of shame. She said well surely you have a credit card don’t you? I said no. She said well then you really can’t help me. I am so sorry for bothering you, and she turned and started to walk away. I told her to wait. I checked my heart and said a prayer. 

 

I told her I would split it with her and gave her twenty. She reached out to give me her earrings and her wedding ring. I said no you don’t owe me anything. Just do something good for a stranger sometime. she asked me why I was doing this for her. I said because I have something that she doesn’t have right now, I have hope. I am certain that everything is going to be alright and you don’t know that for certain. 

 

I said a prayer with her and went on my way. It was an eye opening experience for me and I felt elated. In fact the rest of my trip home was wonderful and trouble free. Before that I was calling and asking people for prayer and felt really uncertain. 

 I have often been a person who has found leaks in her hope.. I have been through so many things in my life and I have had to learn to make patches in my hope container. Have you ever been in the house and you didn’t know you had a leak in your roof until it rained? After the storm is gone, you may forget about that hole, until it rains again? I have. I learned that day that I had grown. I realized that through the storms of life I had gained experience of God’s faithfulness. Had I not encountered the storms I would not have known HE would be faithful in them.

I learned it is ok to messy and not be perfect. Hope deferred makes the heart sick. Though sorrow may endure for the night, joy comes in the morning. How is your hope?   

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Failing Forward..

What if everyone else is making New Year’s Eve Resolutions and all YOU want is a NEW YOU? 

Psalm 121

Psalm 121 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

What if you are still reeling from the decisions that others made that are still shaping your life? What do you do if the decisions you made in 2012 are still reaping consequences?

How in the world do you step hopeful into the next year when you tripped messy through the last year?

These aren’t easy questions.. but they are ones I have…

My first answer is to seek G-D.  I am fasting my favorite TV program. It frees up 1 hour a day. My answer is to lean into G-D. I am bound to make mistakes and fail… I accept that will happen.  Where do I run? My hope is G-D. I have found it so hard to trust him at times…and yet.. HE is like the air I breathe. I want to trust him. I choose to trust HIM.

So you may have had a great 2012 and don’t have a clue what I went through but if you failed last year and dread failing again; look at failing as experience gained.

Do you feel like you are falling apart? Why not decide to fall forward…

Why not choose to move forward no matter what happens?

Why not look at 2013 as a year of “Glory be to God’s” instead of a to do list of resolutions? I don’t know about you, but my first step of faith is to move out of fear.

We live in a fallen world. I fall forward into a New Year, and I fall forward into Christ’s safe arms. He is safe to trust. Being a victim of Sexual abuse in the past, I know how hard it is to trust. God is the only one truly worthy of my trust. Psalms 116 has been a balm in Gilead for me.  

Psalms 116 msg

 1-6 I love God because he listened to me,

listened as I begged for mercy.
He listened so intently
as I laid out my case before him.
Death stared me in the face,
hell was hard on my heels.
Up against it, I didn’t know which way to turn;
then I called out to God for help:
“Please, God!” I cried out.
“Save my life!”
God is gracious—it is he who makes things right,
our most compassionate God.
God takes the side of the helpless;
when I was at the end of my rope, he saved me.

7-8 I said to myself, “Relax and rest.
God has showered you with blessings.
Soul, you’ve been rescued from death;
Eye, you’ve been rescued from tears;
And you, Foot, were kept from stumbling.”

9-11 I’m striding in the presence of God,
alive in the land of the living!
I stayed faithful, though bedeviled,
and despite a ton of bad luck,
Despite giving up on the human race,
saying, “They’re all liars and cheats.”

12-19 What can I give back to God
for the blessings he’s poured out on me?
I’ll lift high the cup of salvation—a toast to God!
I’ll pray in the name of God;
I’ll complete what I promised God I’d do,
and I’ll do it together with his people.
When they arrive at the gates of death,
God welcomes those who love him.
Oh, God, here I am, your servant,
your faithful servant: set me free for your service!
I’m ready to offer the thanksgiving sacrifice
and pray in the name of God.
I’ll complete what I promised God I’d do,
and I’ll do it in company with his people,
In the place of worship, in God’s house,
in Jerusalem, God’s city.
Hallelujah!

 

 

Leave a comment

January 1, 2013 · 4:03 pm

Who are you, this Christmas?

 

 

I am sitting here on Christmas Morning and pondering thoughts of the year gone by… It has been a really hard year. I am thankful to G-D for his love and his help, even when I wondered how I got here. I decided to share this with you, in case there is anyone out there that has had a hard year. If you feel alone this Christmas or just left hurting then I hope you will feel some comfort . I hope you will see that you are not alone.

I recently had the opportunity to be sick and not have the money for proper medical care, since I had lost my Job and my health insurance, when I lost my health. I say opportunity because at first it was just a horrendous challenge to get through, until the gift of friendship helped me to see that I didn’t have to look at the circumstance the way I had seen it. I found myself sitting in a clinic that was established for the homeless and the low income. I had heard horror stories about this place and came with lots of preconceived notions. As I sat there I have to say some of the clientele scared me. They stared at me like i was their next meal. I was alone and felt utterly hopeless, even though I knew that I wasn’t. I had thoughts swarming in my head. Thoughts that said, ” How did you go from your dream job, a car a luxury apartment and all that you needed to this? How could the actions of someone else cost me this much? How could I it be that I could have my life ripped away by the actions of another? How is it that I could lose so much? I sat in public and just wept. I just allowed myself to feel the pain and not judge it just let the pain leak from me in the form of liquid tears. I reached out to a friend by text who reminded me that this was an opportunity. An opportunity for the future. Someday I will be back on top and it will be in those moments when I maybe the healthcare professional or the person on the other side. It will be very important for me to remember in the good times how I felt here so I can show others true empathy, not sympathy but empathy. There is a vast difference.

The rest of the experience really wasn’t bad. I was treated with excellent care and I was treated with respect and dignity. I had an asthma attack while seeing the dr and they gave me a breathing treatment at no charge because I needed it. I experienced the mercy of God from strangers that I don’t know if they knew him or not. I was left in wonder at how God had worked everything out, even if it wasn’t how I would have done it.

I was recently spending time with an old friend. Someone that I have known for almost 20 years. We have had our ups and downs, sometimes being close and sometimes not talking for a year at a time. As we shared we went to a depth of emotional intimacy we had not gone before. She said to me that there were times she didn’t like me because I always seemed so perfect. She told me that I always said the right thing, was always so patient and kind and it would anger her because she just couldn’t be as good as me. She then said and I guess sometimes that was a mask wasn’t it? I said yes, actually I was trying so hard to be acceptable to you and do all the things I thought you required in order for me to be loved by you and then once i did them, you pulled back from me. I found myself constantly embroiled in the search to be acceptable.

There are two things that everyone needs and wants, to know they are loved and to know they are safe. I believe even God longs for the acceptance of his children. All we have to do to be right with God is accept what he did for us. Pastor Bob Yandian put it this way:

The world has the idea that when they stand before God in judgment, they will be allowed to argue their case individually. When asked, “If you died now, would you go to heaven?” most answer, “Yes, I believe I would.” They reason that God will look at their good deeds and compare them to their bad deeds. If the good outweighs the bad, they will go to heaven. If the bad out weighs the good, they will end up in hell.

But their reasoning is wrong. God does not deal with us as a field of corn, all standing independently, each with our own roots. God deals with us as a tree, with all the limbs and branches coming from one trunk and root system. When the roots or trunk are severed, the whole tree dies. In Adam, you are a part of a dead tree. In Christ, you are a part of a living tree. People will not go to heaven because of what they have done. They will go to heaven because of who they are in. People will not go to hell because of sin, they will go to hell because of who they are in. In Adam all die. In Christ all are made alive.

So who are you in?

This Christmas I didn’t have the money to give big extravagant gifts. I choose to give something that cost me more than money could possible ever. I gave acceptance. I don’t have to agree with your lifestyle or with your decisions, but I accept you for who G-D made you. There are many things that I can do without this Christmas that won’t cause a hardship for me if I don’t have them, but you are not one of those things. I need you. You are a part of me in ways I don’t understand. I urge you this Christmas to reach out to those you have in your life that are separated from you by division. Give the gift of Love. Let the wonder of love overwhelm you this Christmas. Even if you are alone physically, take the time to stop and thank the check out lady or the gas station attendant for what they are doing, for being there to serve you at that moment. When we are thankful in the little moments, it has a way of leaking into big moments.

So I want to ask you,  who are you this Christmas? Are you like Herod who said it must be my way or the highway and hurt people because things weren’t done the way he wanted? Are you like Mary who had said, “be it on to me Lord as you desire?” Are you like Joseph who just quietly obeyed the Lord and did what was right even when that meant that he faced shame and mistreatment? (After all, if you think taking a pregnant girl home for christmas, one that you aren’t married to but responsible for is, is difficult with family now, think what it was like 2,000 yrs ago.)

Whoever you resemble in the Christmas story, I urge you to Accept God’s Love for you and to accept one another.

Have yourself a Merry Christmas!

Cynthia

Leave a comment

Filed under Guidance, Relationships, Uncategorized

Never Give Up!

 

Never quit

I have found that there are four things that are very important in life. Wonder,  Truth, Love, Security. As children we have this innocence that really encapsulates our sense of wonder. It is very easy to lose our sense of wonder. Getting out my telescope as a child and staring into the night sky would always fill me with such a sense of wonder. Seeing a sunset, getting a surprise gift, a letter in the mail, someone allowing me to cut in line at the grocery when I am in a hurry; these all provide me with a sense of wonder as an adult.

It is important that we don’t lose our ability to see the wonder in life. When tragedy hits it creates tension between our trust and our pain. Tragedy teaches us that we are not in control. In the bible, Job was struck with tragedy abruptly losing his family and his wealth in one day. He had all four things of those essentials shaken, Wonder, Truth, Love, Security. However, He was restored. One of the statements he made that really has stuck with me is this: My ears have heard but now my eyes have seen.

What did he see? I believe he saw the restoration of Hope. I believe he received back his  sense of wonder, truth, love, and security. Why ? Because He trusted in God. The tension between his trust in God and the pain he was going through was able to be dealt with properly because he had seen the Lord’s care. We must believe That God exists and that he is a rewarder of those who diligently seek him. We must resolve to never give up! We must resolve that we will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.

We need to find ways to live in and rediscover wonder, truth, love and security. The Sabbath is a reflection of so many attributes and characteristics of God. For me the Sabbath is a time when I set a whole day aside to not worry about anything. I agree we are never supposed to worry but this is where I am presently. It is a time when I rediscover God as my sense of peace in the midst of activity. I become more aware of His love, goodness, wisdom, holiness and sovereignty. I allow myself to rest physically, emotionally and spiritually. I allow myself to just enjoy my friends and family. I rest and rediscover my sense of wonder, truth-trust, love and security.

God loves broken people and he doesn’t expect perfection from me. If you are searching for some hope or for some sense of comfort I would point you to the  Word of God, the Bible/Torah. God has an expected end for you. Jeremiah 29:11. His mercy endures forever! If we are really serving God then there is never a time where we se ourselves going down and staying down. I don’t know how God is going to do it but I know what ever I commit to God he will take care of for me. I can not go down, I can not be defeated, because I know all things work together for the good of those who love the Lord and are called according to his purpose.

Some resources I would recommend destinychurch.com We have services tonight at destinychurchlive.com. Please stop in and check us out. We are about loving people.

Also Sheila Walsh‘s book God loves Broken People, Margaret Feinberg’s book Wonder Struck: Awaken to the nearness of GOD-www.margaretfeinberg.com  and Restoration Ministries by Steve roll http://www.srrestore.org/

Whatever you do DON’T GIVE UP!!!

#liveWONDERSTRUCK

Cynthia

2 Comments

Filed under Guidance

I wonder as I wonder….

I was given a great honor by a new friend. Someone I particularly started following because of the fact that she was Jewish. I recognized the mindset. She was raised Christian and she is a prolific writer; however, It was the fact that she had a recognizable Jewish flair that I even considered her writings. Some might not consider her Jewish, especially the orthodox Jews. It all depends on whether you consider being Jewish just a religion or whether you see it as a custom and a heritage as well.  I consider Margaret Feinberg to be a Jewish woman who has discovered that Yeshua, – Jesus-, is the Messiah. Her Jewish Grandmother and her experiences as a child were similar to my own.

The fact that G-D used her to bring me closer to him is wondrous. The fact that he used a book called “ Wonder struck Awaken to the Nearness of GOD” in order to do it, is profound. In reading the uncorrected proof, I found something that all of us longs for and feel is reserved for the religious elite: Pixy Dust. Well actually the Pixie dust is the wonder of GOD. Have you ever gone to your pastor or had that special friend pray because you felt GOD heard them better than you. Your request is important, you don’t feel like you are being heard and you wonder why life is happening the way it is and you need it to change now!!!

I have been on both sides of the aisle on that one. I remember all to well wishing I had some sort of “Pixie Dust” that I could sprinkle and change my life as well as the lives of others. I know from being in ministry that people would come to me wanting me to pray and make things better.  When Margaret first mentioned “Pixie Dust” I was taken back. What did she mean? My religious bone got all of shape. As I read on I realized what she meant. You know, that magical thing or formula or principle that you can use to make things all right. What I found however was a way I could identify what was holding me back in my prayer life.

When you are Jewish, you know the rules and the regulations. You know what is acceptable. You do these set things and then you are acceptable to God. By accepting the anointed one and his anointing, you are accepted because of what he did. Once I accept what Yeshua did, there is nothing I can do to make me more or less acceptable to GOD. Even though I accepted the Messiah at three, sometimes it is really hard to wrap my mind around the fact that I am wildly loved and I can’t mess that up.

No matter what has been done to me, no matter what I have done I can’t make myself unacceptable. I can believe I am unacceptable and live that way, but it won’t change the fact that Yeshua (Jesus) died for me so I would always be acceptable. I can’t mess it up.

Through Margaret’s writing of Wonder struck  I found peace in knowing that I was wildly loved at a time when I was hurting so deeply. I had friends and spiritual leaders betray and abuse me and not feel they were wrong. It helped me on my Journey to accept the apology I never received.

I don’t often recommend authors. My blog is usually about my thoughts. However, if you want to be wonder struck  I suggest that you purchase this life changing material.

If you pre-orderWonderstruck (as a paperback or eBook version) between December 1st to December 25th, thanks to the sponsorship from Worthy Publishers, you will receive access to six EXCLUSIVE GIFTS worth over $300.00:

  1. Wonderstruck: Awaken to the Presence of God as an eBook  ($9.99 available on Kindle, Nook, iPad and other formats)
  2. Fourteen Days of Wonder Journal eBook ($19.99 as a download)
  3. How to Hold an Unforgettable Retreat eBook (a $29.99 download)
  4. Pursuing God 14-Day Devotional ($12.99 download)
  5. You will be automatically entered to win a brand new Kindle Fire pre-loaded with a suggested retail value of more than $100 worth of books from Worthy ($259.00)
  6. Ten people will randomly be selected to receive a free audio version of Wonderstruck ($9.99)

This offer is only valid through the end of the day, December 25th. At that point, this offer goes away FOREVER. To have access to these six FREE gifts, you must take these two steps: 

1. Purchase Wonderstruck from your favorite bookseller. You can chose from one of the online retailers below or your local bookseller. The book retails for $14.99, but some retailers (includingBarnes and Noble and Amazon.com) are selling it for low as $7.57.

2. E-mail the team a copy of your receipt. You can simply forward a copy of the receipt from your online retailer to wonderstruck@margaretfeinberg.com. If you buy a physical copy from a local retailer, scan the receipt and e-mail it to the same address.

Once we get your confirmation, our team will e-mail you the link to the special Wonderstruck Exclusive Gifts Download Page, where you will learn how to gain access to all six bonuses.

Again, this offer goes away forever after December 25th, 2012. Don’t miss it!

Shabbat Shalom!

Cynthia

 

3 Comments

Filed under Guidance, Relationships, Uncategorized

Inspired Reading…

What inhibits your relationship with God? Take time to improve your relationship with God. Get rid of the distractions:Turn off the tv, pay off your credit cards, call that person you keep thinking about, What is your idol…What really, honestly, dominates your life? 

Pull out some teaching tapes/CD’s to listen to while you work or run errands. Refocus your life on God and what he has given you. Today at sunset starts Hanukkah. It is a time where we recommit ourselves to God. We promise to serve him and follow HIS will for our lives a fresh and new. It is the time we are thankful for all He has done. It is a time where we are thankful and celebrate the miracle of the lights. We celebrate the great mercy of God and the victory of Light over dark, Good over evil…

This Christmas season don’t loose sight of why we do this..

We are celebrating Jesus birth. However, I believe even non christians who celebrate christmas are using this time to give gifts to love ones to show their love. It isn’t about the size of the gift but the motive of the heart. Don’t lose the magic of the season in the dread of the crowds and the mall. Don’t lose the love in the midst of the problems and memories of the past! Take time and enjoy yourself. Love life again. 

If you think that God has given you the best he has and there is no more hope, you are wrong. 

If you think that the card you have drawn for this life is all there is, you haven’t seen what is in God’s hand! 

His mercy endures forever!

God knows how this thing is going to end! God has an expected end for you and it is Good! I am persuaded that whatever I have left to God, He is able to take care of good. 

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized