Hope.. hopeful or hopeless..

I have been so busy with school and life, that I have left my blog writing for papers and assignments. I have been battling health issues and relationship problems and a myriad of assaults against my life. I have always been resilient but I have always struggled to keep my head just above water. I have always felt like I was the person waving in the midst of the ocean, waving because I was drowning and people always thought I was waving to say, “Hi there, how are you?” When i thought I was about to die. I have gone through life wondering why no one had a clue and why I didn’t belong.  Ever feel like you were all alone? One thing is different than ever before, I have hope.

I recently had the opportunity to do something that I had really wanted to do. I had taken off work for a doctor appt. and then realized that I was not going to be able to keep it. I really wanted to be able to go to support a friend who is adopting a little girl who is HIV positive. She is precious. They both are very precious. i didn’t have the money to go the way I had wanted to go-(by plane and 1st class all the way! 🙂 ) However at the last minute things worked out for me to go. I drove 12 hrs and showed up and they were surprised. It was great fun.

On my way home, I was driving and the weather was bad. I had stopped to get gas and was looking for a place to eat. I remember seeing a distraught lady but I just went on my way.  I was upset myself. I stopped to get something to eat. I had to stop, It was mid-morning and yet it was as dark as night out. It was raining fiercely and it was foggy. I had to stop, so I might as well stop for something to eat.  It was a modest meal. Nothing fancy, eggs and biscuits. I paid my bill and left. As I was leaving the parking lot, I had this lady pull up next to me and honk and ask me to stop. So I pulled over and got out of my car and asked what was wrong? She was distraught, I mean I could see she had been crying and I recognized her as the lady who I had seen before. I saw her sell her GPS for cheap to this man and he brag how he had gotten a deal.

She told me of how her husband had always been the one who took care of everything and he had recently died and she had gone on a trip to visit her daughter and had her purse stolen when she had stopped for gas. She had cancelled her credit cards but had no way of getting gas and had no one to call for help.  She had 400 miles till home and no gas money.  I asked her why are you telling me this? (I’m thinking, I am tired and I have a long drive and what do you want from me?) She took off her diamond earrings and offered them to me for whatever I could give her for them. she must have taken 30 minutes to tell me her whole story. I told her I only had 40 dollars to my name and I had twice as far as she had to go, I couldn’t possibly be of any help to her. Then I saw a all too familiar sight. It was the look of shame. She said well surely you have a credit card don’t you? I said no. She said well then you really can’t help me. I am so sorry for bothering you, and she turned and started to walk away. I told her to wait. I checked my heart and said a prayer. 


I told her I would split it with her and gave her twenty. She reached out to give me her earrings and her wedding ring. I said no you don’t owe me anything. Just do something good for a stranger sometime. she asked me why I was doing this for her. I said because I have something that she doesn’t have right now, I have hope. I am certain that everything is going to be alright and you don’t know that for certain. 


I said a prayer with her and went on my way. It was an eye opening experience for me and I felt elated. In fact the rest of my trip home was wonderful and trouble free. Before that I was calling and asking people for prayer and felt really uncertain. 

 I have often been a person who has found leaks in her hope.. I have been through so many things in my life and I have had to learn to make patches in my hope container. Have you ever been in the house and you didn’t know you had a leak in your roof until it rained? After the storm is gone, you may forget about that hole, until it rains again? I have. I learned that day that I had grown. I realized that through the storms of life I had gained experience of God’s faithfulness. Had I not encountered the storms I would not have known HE would be faithful in them.

I learned it is ok to messy and not be perfect. Hope deferred makes the heart sick. Though sorrow may endure for the night, joy comes in the morning. How is your hope?   


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