Have you ever noticed that shadows usually amplify things. A shadow at noon is a lot shorter than a shadow in the afternoon. Shadows of things unhealed or dealt with can make a big impact on your life, even though it is only a shadow.
Just recently it was a hard day for me in the midst of some great blessings. I didn’t sleep well the night before and I decided to make it a great day. Despite my time with the L-RD and my decision, I felt overwhelmed. I was constantly on the verge of tears. Unknown to me, It seemed I was living on the precipice of my past. Everything present and future was tainted with the stains from the past and so even the blessings were tormenting me. I was on the verge of tears all day and just couldn’t shake it. In the midst of some really awesome blessings, I was tormented with “I knew it wouldn’t work out.” Yet things did work out just fine.
I couldn’t place my finger on what was wrong. Why the exaggerated response to everything? I prayed, “G-D why is it that I feel this way, please take it away.” The answer I got surprised me. I wasn’t expecting him to answer; I was making a blank declaration of my pain and just wanted it to stop. The answer came as a thought. It came so loudly that it was almost audible, “I can’t heal the pain, if you refuse to feel it.”
One thing I have realized is that faith can’t work if you don’t have hope. You can’t have hope if you don’t have love. If you don’t know how much G-D loves you then how can you have hope that he will work all things to your good. If you don’t have hope that he will work all things to your good then how can you have faith that it will work out?
Forgiveness doesn’t mean that what they did was right, It means you are continually choosing to help yourself heal. You are continually choosing to forgive. I honestly believe that if you want to forgive, then you are forgiving. It is part of the process. You have to want to, then you make the action of it, and then you continue to regardless of the feelings. Understand that it doesn’t mean you let them hurt you again, especially in abuse situations. It just means you grieve the loss and let it go. It is really hard to do and requires more strength than bitterness. However it is worth it for your health and for your relationships, for your life.
My thoughts drifted back to when I was little. I don’t talk much about when I was little. I was riding my bike and I fell off my bike and really scraped up my knee. I was afraid of being in trouble so I hid the fact that I had been hurt and thought if I just babied it, then it would be fine.
It had little rocks and dirt embedded in it. I gave it the customary rinse with water and hope for the best. However, my lack of attention caused it to become infected. So much so I ended up having to go to the doctor and get it cleaned out. It became a festering mess of puss and infection. I screamed as the doctor and nurse cleaned it out. I actually had to take an antibiotic. My wound was worse then I realized. It would have been fine had I taken the time to feel the pain and properly care for the wound. I didn’t want to touch it because that made it hurt worse. I was just a kid, what did I know.
How many times though do we suffer an offense or an emotional wound and think if I just leave it alone and don’t deal with it, then it will go away. Let bygones be bygones. How many times have we had a bowl of ice cream to cover for the pain in our soul? How many times have we worked late to prove we had value? How many times have we been the best volunteer so that we are needed? We must allow ourselves to feel the pain, to heal the pain. Just like scrubbing a scraped knee hurts in the beginning but keeps us from an infection. Facing our pain now will keep us from having more pain in the future. It will even make our present a better place to live and will no longer cloud our future.
What pain do you need healed today?