Have you you ever found yourself saying it has been a while since….? It has been a while since I looked at that show or It has been a while since I wrote. Maybe, ” It has been a while since I spoke to so and so.”
What stopped you? Was it the busyness of life or did your priorities change? What were you believing that you don’t believe anymore? What truths have you let slip?
The last time I blogged I had every intention of continuing to write. I have loved to write since I won my first writing contest in kindergarden, yet I still haven’t really done it. Why? I guess because of a underlying fear that it just wasn’t good enough. Who would want to read what I had to say? Why do I even ask why?
One thing you will have to get used to with me is my transparency. Some like it, some walk away because it makes them uncomfortable. I used to live my life trying to fit into what everyone else thought acceptable; to the point that I wasn’t acceptable to myself. I am a very smart and talented person. However, I often don’t see myself as smart enough to do more than work at McDonald’s or the local gas station. I often view others rejection as a sign that I don’t have value. The very thing I am so passionate about seeing others believe, I often don’t believe myself.
I often find vicious lies swarming around in my head. Lies that say:
You aren’t pretty enough.
You aren’t part of the in crowd.
Your not going to ever have family.
You are stupid.
If you try, you will just fail.
If you can’t do it perfectly, then why even try?
I have to stop myself from believing these lies. I have to daily, sometimes moment by moment stop and refuse the lies. How do I stop them? I have to stop listening to them first of all. Have you ever talked yourself out of something? You thought about it, and the longer you listened the more you decided not to do something. This can be good or bad. Deciding not to take a chance and drive thirty miles on an empty tank of gas is wisdom. Deciding to not sit down and write because you don’t have anything worth saying is listening to a lie. Lies will derail us if we let them linger and don’t deal with them swiftly.
What are the thoughts that are swirling in your head? What have you laid down that you should pick back up? What is Pure, Honest, and Holy to you?
What has it been a while since you did?